when daddy is gone....

we make smoothies, play in the rain, go to barnes and noble to read books, laugh, go to the mayborn museum, play outside, paint and hang out.

we also may or may not increase our chocolate intake. you will find no pictures of it though....that would be incriminating evidence.

on my heart.

isn't it amazing how God is constantly working in your life?  

in everything that you do, He is there.  reminding you of Himself and teaching you in so many ways, if only you are willing to listen.  

i started back to bible study today and i have been looking forward to this all summer long.  

i long for routine and we thrive on a schedule around here so while summer is great in all its lazy mornings and flexible schedules, i am thrilled that fall is here and we are able to step back into the comfort of our routine of 'school' for cole, bible study, wednesday nights at church and the structure that goes with it.   

 i enjoyed the time away from the daily grind in many ways this summer, but i got away from my daily time with God and that time is very much needed.  and while i was anxiously awaiting the start of this bible study because we are studying genesis and i LOVE studying the old testament, God was not quiet during my summer.  i may not have been able to get into the word on a daily basis like i wanted, but God definitely taught me many things.  

He chose this summer to help me grow closer to Him as i grew more aware of my own weaknesses. 

He has shown me areas in my life that i didn't want to look at.  revealed small things in my heart that i have tried to ignore.  while in new york on our family vacation, the speaker for the week talked about our 'sin list'.  the list of our sins that we keep buried away, only pulling out and reflecting on once in a while when taking communion or because we have sinned yet again and we are reminded of all of our failings.  

i have thought a lot about 'my list' ever since.  

i don't like to admit when i have failed and i tend to rank my failings according to how 'big' of a sin they are. 

but God opened my eyes to my list. 

He has opened my heart to areas that i need to change.  

that judging others, condescending glances and thoughts, rude responses, and impatience when driving are all things i do and am not proud of.  He has shown me the little things that He wants me to change that i have considered no big deal.  

how can i teach my children about the fruit of the spirit when i am not exhibiting the fruit i demand from them?  

i tell cole all the time that we need to be kind to others but am i always kind? 

we talk about being patient and obeying the first time that you are told to do something. 

but am i a model of patience?  do i obey God the first time that He tells me to do something? 

God is showing me that i am weak.  i am a weak human who needs an almighty, saving God.  

only He can be my strength.  

i need Him to recharge me daily. hourly.  and sometimes by the minute.

i need Him to get me through the sleepless nights, the crying car rides, the endless needs that my family has.  He has called me to this role and only He can help me complete it.

because lets face it, being a parent is hard.  

it is harder than most other jobs out there.  

my job as a school psychologist was really tough on some days but it is nothing like being a parent.  

why?

because you never stop being a parent.  there is no turning work off and leaving it behind for the rest of the day.  my job is the most important one out there because i am trying to raise these little humans into adults that are not only productive members of society, but are, more importantly, solid followers of Jesus Christ and teaching them to live their lives for Him instead of for themselves.  

is there any amount of money, any new house, car, or other stuff that is worth working for and giving that job to someone else?  

ABSOLUTELY NOT.  

i want to be the biggest influence on my children because despite my failure as a parent on a daily basis, my children are learning what it really is to be a follower of Christ.  that even when you fail and sin and make a mess of things, there is a thing called grace.  there is unconditional love.  there is forgiveness.   we give it because we have received it.  

and we are teaching them to rely on Christ as their strength, despite their weaknesses.  

this has been on my heart and i am sure that God will continue to use my weaknesses to make Him stronger.  this summer he has molded me to acknowledge, confess, repent and now change the many areas of weakness that i have.  

i want to be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend, and role model.

do you?

pictures with grandma.

here are my two favorite pictures from our quick stop in tulsa to see my grandma and my dad's extended family.  

grandma and clara beth.

 here is the best group shot we got.  the kids are not looking at the camera, nor are they looking that happy,  but this was after a lot of visitors and 6 catnaps in place of two regular naps so i am just happy that there were no melt downs.

(oh, and yes, you are seeing a large nipple on the left and a large eyeball to my right.  a picture of my cousins' kids is blown up on a blanket that hangs on my grandma's couch and we didn't realize it would show up in the picture so much until we looked at the pictures later.  ha!)

first day.

i snapped these photos before leaving to take cole to the first day of mother's day out at our church.  he goes twice a week for 5 hours and we both love that he has such a safe, fun place to learn, play and grow!

these photos are not that great.  

i cannot get this kid to give me an earnest smile in front of the camera to save my life.  

and let me set the stage for this little photo shoot too. 

it is 9:01.  

school starts at 9:00.  

brenner is out of town for air force so he couldn't help like he normally would.

the girls are inside on their play yard crying.  

maybe it was because i just shoveled food down their faces as fast as they could open their mouths and then ran out of time to wipe the excess food off their faces and clothes.  

maybe it is because clara pooped and i told her she was just going to have to wait a moment.  

maybe it was because they weren't being held.  

it was probably all of the above.  

and then there are the leaves that are covering our front steps right now that seem to have some sort of sap on them because they stick to the bottoms of your feet and shoes.  my shoes, and cole's by the end, were covered in sappy leaves. yuck. 

i still have to pack up everyone and everything in the car. 

and my child won't smile.  

well, such is life. 

here is what i got.