There are so many things that I have learned over the last year. 2012 was filled with incredible trials but indescribable joys. Here are just a few things, in no particular order, that have stuck out. These are not life changing statements, or even new things that I have learned, but they are the things that have stuck out that have helped me survive and thrive in the last year.
(beware...i have a lot to say)
1. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I know that this may be a cliche (and a line in a Kelly Clarkson song) but I have found it to be true. There were so many nights and early mornings, where I really didn't think that I could handle the twins anymore. I was just too tired. Had too little sleep. Had heard too much crying. I was running on below empty. But then, I would be refreshed in some way, whether through laughter or coffee or a hug, and I would just suck up the tiredness, the grouchiness, and try to stop complaining to brenner, and would go on. And truly, truly, I feel stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually because I relied on Lord in those hard times. I cried out to him for help, lifted up little prayers of 'please, please just let them go back to sleep' when I heard the pacifier fall out in the middle of the night....15 times (you think I'm joking), prayer for patience, prayers for forgiveness, prayers of thanks. And the Lord would come through. There were still lots of sleepless nights and days when I felt I was all burned up. But he taught me to put into practice the things that he was teaching me, to look to him for each trial, big or small, and to continue to rely on his strength and not my own to turn me into a better mom. While it often hurt and was hard, the Lord has made me stronger.
2. Grilled cheese and Netflix are often the best date night.
I can count the number of times that Brenner and I have been out on dates without the kids on one hand since the girls were born. We just haven't had the time, we didn't have a babysitter that we felt comfortable with with all 3 kids until September and honestly it is usually too much work to set it all up and get out with me still nursing. We didn't even have time in the evenings either until October because the girls would stay up for a late feeding and we would pretty much go to bed after that. But some nights, and much more frequently now, we stay up and watch an episode of psych on netflix. We eat a fancy meal of grilled cheese or frozen pizza and top it off with a little ice cream from the freezer. And those moments, with Brenner at my side, refresh my soul. We don't need to go anywhere or necessarily do anything other than sit there for 45 minutes watching something silly, but it does me good. It helps me recharge. And being together as a family, choosing to spend our money on family activities compared to going out to eat or going to a movie, where we will pay too much to eat unhealthy food, just isn't the best choice for us most of the time. We are content to be at home, to enjoy this crazy phase of life known as 'parents of young children' and to enjoy each other over the simple things.
3. Play daily.
I have mentioned before that Brenner and I each try to spend quality time playing with the kids each day. This has definitely been a challenge on some days but I can honestly say that I don't remember a day where I have not played, truly played, with my kids. We try to do something fun each day, whether I paint or do a craft with Cole, all go on a nature walk, go the children's museum or the zoo, play at the park, make something out of an empty box, play in the water hose, blow up the ball pit and have all 200 balls scattered throughout the downstairs....go look at the lobsters at HEB (yes, Cole thinks that is BIG fun)....something fun. There are those days, though, where we just read 29 books, build 15 mechanic shops and dog houses out of legos and have the train go around the track 137 times. And those days are just as good. But I feel that it is important for my children, even at this young age, to play with their parents. I am helping develop their creativity, ingenuity, problem solving skills, exposure to new things, social skills, discover their senses and more. Plus, they need to know that their parents care about them and what they are interested in. All Cole wants from me 90% of the time is to be with him (the other 10% he wants me to be his personal chef). And the more kids you have, the harder it is to find time to play with each of them. I am sure this will get more and more difficult as the kids get older too. But it is that much more important to do it.
4. The Lord will provide.
Nuff said.
The Lord has provided for us in more ways than I can even count. In every circumstance, both big and small, He has come through and proven his goodness in our lives. First and foremost, the Lord provided for us in the health of our girls. He healed them and answered our prayers. And back almost exactly one year, we were given TONS of baby things for the twins from a sweet, generous stranger. I mean cribs, clothes, swings, bouncers and so much more. So amazing. And he has provided for Brenner's work in each endeavor. With Brenner owning his own business, you never know what is going to happen and when the next paycheck may come. You may get paid once in 6 months. It is really hard not to worry sometimes about money and paychecks and all that. But the Lord has provided. Every. Single. Month. Once again, not just the things that we needed, but so, so much more. He amazes me with his generosity. And of course the Lord provides in the small ways too. Allowing playdates to work out with friends just when I needed a listening ear. Allowing 1 hour of happiness from all the children right before dinner allowing me to cook. Squeezing me in to my Bible study after thinking there was not enough room for the girls in the children's program. Giving me the time management while running my errands to pull into Sonic at 3:58 just in time to make it for happy hour and get my desperately-needed vanilla Dr. Pepper. Well, maybe not the last one. But kind of. He has provided the wisdom that we need to raise our children. He will continue to provide in every area that we need as long as we rely on Him and trust that whatever he does, or does not, provide, is what is best for us.
5. Get up. Get in. And Get out.
I am up by 6:00 every morning. Even on mornings when I have been up WAY too much during the night with my tiny humans, I get up early. I get up, make some oatmeal and spend time in The Word. Starting my day off reading my Bible and doing my BIble study has been life changing. I get immediate refreshment, encouragement, and direction as I start my day. The Lord immediately shows me the things that I need to change and convicts me of areas where I am weak (which is great at 6:00, let me tell ya). But I need it. When the Lord humbles me before I can get cocky, I am more likely to be used for His glory throughout the day. I am more likely to allow the Holy Spirit to change me. And it is amazing hoe each passage that I read will teach me something that I really needed to learn. Right then. I have not always had this discipline and I am sure that I will falter in it in the future. But these days, in the words of my former pastor, I cannot afford NOT to start my day off right. There are too many challenges right now that will knock me on my hiney (yes, we say hiney around here) if I do not spend time in the Bible.
And after I read, I run.
All hail the power of exercise and endorphins. I have found that running not only gives me quiet time by myself and of course the obvious health benefits, but it gives me energy and endorphins for the rest of the day. I need those endorphins to lift my mood so that I can face needy children, mountains of laundry and trips to the grocery store with all the kids. I have loved running since starting to run long distance in cross country in high school and I have never loved it more then I do now. It is my thing, my time, all to myself and I am thankful that Brenner is so supportive of me that he allows me time each morning to make it happen.
6. Pray with your kids.
Brenner and I established a family devotional time before Cole was born. Praying together and reading the Bible together after breakfast as a couple has transformed our marriage. And continuing to do so with 3 little kids running around, while a challenge, I believe will form a healthy family. We read from Cole's Bible, read from the real Bible, and pray together. We have already seen a huge impact that this has had on Cole. Not only does he want to read his BIble daily and is learning all about God, he knows that this is what you are supposed to do each day. You are supposed to incorporate God into your life on a daily basis. Brenner and I both grew up in Christian homes where God, His goodness, His presence and His word were discussed openly and frequently. Church was not an option, it was something we just always did. Prayer was a part of life. We want our kids to know the same thing. We were surprised and thrilled the day Cole turned to us and asked for his turn to pray. Now he prays all the time and prays for his friends and family. He models his prayers after ours. His teachers at Mother's Day Out (his 'school') told us that one day at lunch Cole asked to pray and went around the table and thanked God for every one of his classmates. Wow. I was honestly surprised. I underestimated the impact that praying with him daily would have on a 3 year old. Your kids are watching everything you do and imitating everything you say. If that isn't enough to help you set good habits and strive to change your areas of weakness, I don't know what is.
7. Be content.
This is a hard one, friends. I feel like there are things that each of us will always struggle with. Areas in our life that we give in to repeatedly and we can either choose to accept them, or we can choose to change.
I have, and always have had, trouble with comparison. I will compare myself, my house, my clothes, my work, my grades, my car, and more with those around me. It is not that I am not happy with things, but I still find myself comparing everything to others and questioning whether I am measuring up. Am I alone in this?? Well, this year, the Lord has continued to bring this issue to my heart. Teaching me to be content not only with what I have, but more so with who I am and who I am within the Lord's plan. I don't have to be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect friend. Because lets face it, I am not. I am a flawed, sinful being. I will, and do, mess up all. the. time. But I don't have to be perfect to be used by God and I cannot be used by Him if I do not trust in the plan that he has created for me. And trust that He created me perfectly, just the way that He wanted.
I love Pinterest and love to try out all the ideas that I see on that website. But I don't let myself get on there very much because I begin to be tempted to doubt myself and my abilities. It is easy to look at all the beautifully decorated rooms and get ideas for my house. But it is just as easy to look at those rooms and be dissatisfied with what I have. Dissatisfied that my house is not perfect, that I do not have all the latest trends mastered. I have learned, and am continuing to learn, to be content with where I am right now. Loving the phase that I am in and knowing that I am growing as a person.
One of these days, I hope to decorate my house the way that I really want and make it beautiful. But if I don't, so be it. I have a warm, happy home, filled with random pieces from college, early years of marriage and hand me downs.
And that is just fine.
In fact, it is great.
If my house were perfect it would not reflect who we really are and the way we live our life. My kids may not always be dressed the cutest, I may not throw lavish birthday parties or have the right purse on my arm, but I am content. Lord, teach me to be content. I have been given me 3 amazing kids and a loving, devoted husband. Seriously, how can I be dissatisfied????
These are a few things that have stuck out to me. Like I said at the beginning (which is so VERY far up the page, I know), these are not new things. They have just been what is on my heart and mind while reflecting on 2012. I hope I remember these things daily. And I hope to look back each year and say the same things: I am stronger because of God, I cherished my husband, the Lord provided for me, I played with my kids, I got in the Word daily, I took time to pray with my children, I am content.
What a great year 2012 was. I look forward to seeing what is in store for us next!!!!
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