craziness.

i took this picture the day after the explostion in west a month ago.
be still my heart.

now, after more tragedy in oklahoma, i continue to thank god for our safety and another day with my babies.  i look at them, and my heart bursts with fullness as i am able to hold them another day, laugh with them and live our crazy campbell life together.
these events, these tragedies, they are heartbreaking.  truly.
and yet they serve as good reminders for us that this world is not our home.
we are not guaranteed another day, another minute.  we do not know what plans god has in store for us and while it may sound cliche, and we certainly forget to do it much of the time, we really do need to live in the moment.  that is all it takes for your lives to change and be turned upside down.
to lose your home, your family, your world.
and yet, this world is not everything.
yesterday i was reading in my john piper daily devotional, john 12:24-25.  truly, truly, i say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. whoever loves his life loses it ,and whoever hates his life in this works will keep it for eternal life.
basically, this world doesn't matter.  none of it.
it doesn't matter what people think of me, it doesn't matter what i wear.  it doesn't matter if i am famous.  it doesn't matter if i am the best mom.  i am to hate my life in this world and choose the cross.
that means choosing the cross over everything.
everything, people.
choosing christ over my stuff, my friends, my family.
it can be gone in an instant because i cannot comprehend god's perfect and complex plan for our lives.
but i know his plan is good and he has called me to be a part of it and that means holding onto the things he has given me loosely and holding tightly to him....and him only.
total commitment and trust in him alone.
 ---crickets---
anyone else have a hard time doing this?

i am learning to be thankful in every moment.
i am learning to trust god in the tragedies.
even when my heart breaks, i am learning about the goodness of his purpose and my need to never waiver in my faith of god's perfect plan.
i must die to my own plan, because god's plan has always been better.
not easier, better.
always. 
so now, i will go back to my kids' room and watch them sleep for a few moments.
i will be thankful for the food battle we had tonight with cole, thankful for the three outfits that clara went through today, thankful for the breakfast and dinner we had as a family, thankful for the short naps the girls took because they are teething, thankful for the two loads of laundry i still need to do and thankful that god gave me another day to live this wonderful life.
and i will pray that god molds my heart to be willing to put him above all of it.