patience...and other fruit.

so the Lord has really been testing me in the area of patience.  i mean, he gave me 3 kids so patience is something that definitely comes in handy to keep myself sane.  i am constantly trying to be aware of my tone and to be softer, gentler, and more patient in my everyday drama. and that is a challenge.  
the Lord has convicted me to be more aware of my anger and personal annoyance and to Get. Over. It.  
i have a little one, soon to be 3 little ones, who are modeling my behavior and watching me react.  when i lose it, i am teaching cole it is ok for him to lose it. when i "toss" something too hard, i am teaching cole that it is okay to do it too.  when i am rude to my husband or rude to the cashier, cole sees me. one night we were at the dinner table and cole leaned over his highchair and yelled "get out of the way people!" with his mean face and then burst out laughing. brenner looked at me and i said, yep, he got that from me in the car today. proud mommy moment right there. 
 i have been convicted and starting this week, i am choosing to exhibit more fruit in my life.  starting with an area that every mom i know struggles with, patience.

but i am also talking about more than just patience when i am annoyed or upset that one is crying while the phone is ringing while dinner is cooking while the dog is barking and someone is pooping. i.e. last night.  i am talking about a patience with life that i think ties deeply with true peace from God.  i need to be patient in the plan God has for me. sometimes i have to remind myself that God knows what is happening in my life, that he chose this life for me.   he was not surprised when we found out about the twins or when i got engaged at 19 years old.  he was not surprised when the economy tanked and with it brenner's business. 
 over the last year, my trust in God is stronger than ever before. and the peace in my heart is like i have never felt. God has given me peace about his plan for our lives and as a result i need to be patient while waiting on the next step of the plan.  i need to be patient in waiting for our house to sell (yes, it is on the market again!).  i need to be patient in waiting for the Lord to bring brenner his next project. 
i have NO doubt that God is going to take care of us.   i just need to fight the desire to want it, and demand it, right now.  i will choose to trust him everyday.  i will choose to show my children the peace in my heart through my patience in the day to day and in the bigger things of life.

in light of all this i have decided to do some fruit of the spirit activities with cole this summer.  i want to start teaching him now what joy, peace, patience, goodness all means.  and come on, what better time to talk about gentleness when there are 2 newborns in the house!  each week we are going to "study" a fruit and try to implement what we learn.  i want to be a better role model for my kids and i want to be more like my role model, Jesus.  i think this is a great place to start.