craziness.

i took this picture the day after the explostion in west a month ago.
be still my heart.

now, after more tragedy in oklahoma, i continue to thank god for our safety and another day with my babies.  i look at them, and my heart bursts with fullness as i am able to hold them another day, laugh with them and live our crazy campbell life together.
these events, these tragedies, they are heartbreaking.  truly.
and yet they serve as good reminders for us that this world is not our home.
we are not guaranteed another day, another minute.  we do not know what plans god has in store for us and while it may sound cliche, and we certainly forget to do it much of the time, we really do need to live in the moment.  that is all it takes for your lives to change and be turned upside down.
to lose your home, your family, your world.
and yet, this world is not everything.
yesterday i was reading in my john piper daily devotional, john 12:24-25.  truly, truly, i say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. whoever loves his life loses it ,and whoever hates his life in this works will keep it for eternal life.
basically, this world doesn't matter.  none of it.
it doesn't matter what people think of me, it doesn't matter what i wear.  it doesn't matter if i am famous.  it doesn't matter if i am the best mom.  i am to hate my life in this world and choose the cross.
that means choosing the cross over everything.
everything, people.
choosing christ over my stuff, my friends, my family.
it can be gone in an instant because i cannot comprehend god's perfect and complex plan for our lives.
but i know his plan is good and he has called me to be a part of it and that means holding onto the things he has given me loosely and holding tightly to him....and him only.
total commitment and trust in him alone.
 ---crickets---
anyone else have a hard time doing this?

i am learning to be thankful in every moment.
i am learning to trust god in the tragedies.
even when my heart breaks, i am learning about the goodness of his purpose and my need to never waiver in my faith of god's perfect plan.
i must die to my own plan, because god's plan has always been better.
not easier, better.
always. 
so now, i will go back to my kids' room and watch them sleep for a few moments.
i will be thankful for the food battle we had tonight with cole, thankful for the three outfits that clara went through today, thankful for the breakfast and dinner we had as a family, thankful for the short naps the girls took because they are teething, thankful for the two loads of laundry i still need to do and thankful that god gave me another day to live this wonderful life.
and i will pray that god molds my heart to be willing to put him above all of it.

saying goodbye.

 our dear, sweet friend and babysitter left waco last week.  she is on to nursing school this fall and we are truly going to miss her so much!  she became like a part of the family and got to us so well (which may not always be a good thing!)  i am still in denial, actually, that she is gone!  we were able to spend a lot of time together over the last couple months, apart from babysitting, and one of the most fun days was one when Brenner was out of town and she went with the kids and i to the farmers market, homestead heritage to play and eat lunch, and then back to our house for an afternoon of baking, cooking and playing outside.  the week before she left we also went out to eat at some waco classics and of course stuffed ourselves full of frozen yogurt.  we love you so much miss aaryka and miss you already!

riding.

here are a couple of pictures of cole riding my brother's old bike.  don't you love that cole is wearing my dad's motorcycle helmet for protection?  he insisted on having the visor down too.  so funny.

here are a couple of videos too.

cole riding his bike on the freshly poured foundation at my parents new house.

cole riding the bull

adam riding the bull

My two favorites.

these are two of my favorite pictures from my trip!

cole's interview.

at cole's 'school' they interviewed him about his mom.  this was what he said.  interviewing children can be dangerous.

thoughts on motherhood.

i am very selfish. 

since becoming a mom, i have rediscovered how selfish i am. 

i knew that as a human, and therefore a sinner, i was a selfish being.  we struggle with putting our own desires behind those of others our entire lives.  as children, we slowly learn that the world does not revolve around us and it can be a painful experience.  in fact, there are a lot of adults walking around that still don't seem to understand that truth.  but as we grow and mature, we must learn that we are not always priority number one and our own desires, wants, and needs often have to take a backseat. 

enter motherhood. 

selfishness is no longer an option.  

i no longer get to do many of the things that i enjoy doing, like reading books, going to the movies, shopping for myself, sleeping in, and going out to lunch with friends.  sure i do these things occasionally, but they are no longer a regular part of my life because three wee littles ones have entered my life and they are now my number one priority.  

i have to plan their day before i plan mine.  

i have to wake up before they do, feed them, clothe them, play with them, teach them, pray for them, and do many other things for them before i fit in things for myself.  

when you become a mother, you have to learn to let the selfish desires go, otherwise, you are not going to be the kind of mother that god calls you to be.  

but i have also learned that i am selfish when it comes to my kids.  

i sometimes want them all to myself. 

the moments do go by so fast that i don't want to miss out on a singe one.  

i don't want to be gone from them during day but instead want to use each day to make memories for us all and capture teachable moments.  even sending cole to mother's day out is sometimes hard, although he loves it so much.  i want to be as big a part of their lives as i can.  i want to be the biggest influence over them.

i know that there will come a day, when i am no longer needed then way i am now.  it will happen slowly, and in fact, it already is.  

i cannot hold my babies for hours at a time.  they don't look to me for their nourishment anymore.  they don't need to be rocked to sleep during the night.

i am lucky to have three kids who love hugs and kisses and so i get about a thousand of those a day.  

but i know they will only decrease in number with each passing day.  

i will miss the days when cole doesn't want to hold my hand and when they don't want to be held after getting in trouble.  i will miss the days when i can no longer scoop them up and shush away their cries.  

i am selfish in not wanting to miss a moment because i know i will look back in my old age and cling to each precious memory that i have with my babies.  

i know that i need to have open arms with them, to let them fly and grow. 

 to help them discover their individuality and grow into godly adults who desire to love and serve.  

but i just don't want to let them go. 

and i truly do not miss my selfish days of doing things for me.

i don't mind not going out much or going to the movies.

i don't mind not shopping or reading lots of books or taking naps or getting my nails done. 

i am truly trying to embrace motherhood as much as i can.  it is hard and challenging and i love every minute. 

being a mom is more fulfilling than i ever thought it would be.  i thought that it would be hard to give up some things but when i looked at what i would be missing, each time with choice seems obvious.  i feel overwhelmed by the blessings that run around me and i pray that i will not take a day for granted because there is no guarantee that we will get another.  

happy mother's day. 

Pics from our trip.

here are some more pictures from our trip to DC.  the iPhone camera let me down on some crucial pictures, I guess the flash was not working right and in one it kinds of stretched us out, kinda weird.

aunt leslie and clara beth.  they seriously bonded.

the walton women.

two of my favorite redheads...i know, i look like a midget.

these girls wanted nana to carry them all the time!

cole rode a mechanical bull at the spring festival at my parent's church.  he was in line with all teenagers...and my brother in law.  both cole and adam held on for over 10 seconds!

this photo turned out kinds weird and stretched.  liza is one of my friends since middle school and it was great to catch up with her for a quick visit and let our 6 kids run around!

my other favorite redhead...and another bad photo.  no flash.  

but my bestie annie spent a day with us and truly there is nothing like a best friend.  love her. 

lots of time spend at the playground.

fro-yo get together.

my parents are building a new house...on the same spot where their old one was.  it is weird not seeing my house there that i grew up in but we are way too excited about the new one to be sad.

my parent's dog.  she used to be our dog but she visited with my parents about 3 1/2 years ago and is loving her retirement years in virginia. 

cole thought it was a good idea to hide all his sisters' shoes, the diaper bag and my wallet in this little trunk.  good thing we found out about his hiding place before we left!

our trip home was long.  cole and clara did great and overall, it was not a total disaster, but elise was not a happy camper for most of it.  she is teething, didn't nap and just wanted to run around.  a three hour plane ride was not her happy place.  

but it is always good to go back to virginia.  i never get to see everyone that i want and i never get to do all that i hope to, but it was still a lot of fun and got to spend some good time with the family.